An Extreme Introverts Guide to Dating

How to land a date when you’re socially awkward and shy

in-tro-vert: a quiet or reserved individual who prefers to spend time alone 

If social situations make you extremely nervous, you probably find it intimidating to date. Loners often avoid scenarios that leave themselves feeling uncomfortable. Remember, if you refuse to step out of your comfort zone, you will find yourself not achieving the results you desire. This guide provides the tips needed to get you out of your room, and out meeting new people in the dating world.

Download dating apps on your phone

If approaching someone at a coffee shop, or going out to the bar alone makes you feel uneasy—try dating apps. Stay at home and swipe through some local singles on Tinder or Bumble, then see who you end up matching with. If swiping is not appealing to you try Hinge or Coffee Meets Bagel, where in order to connect with users, you must comment on a section of their profile that you admire. Any of these platforms make it so that you can filter through any duds at ease, so that you can focus your attention on your potential candidates. 

Find the entire list of dating apps on the Apple App Store or Google Play for Android. Take advantage of apps that require a person to verify their identity to avoid being the victim of a catfish. 

Connect through conversation 

Message your matches and ask them questions that refer back to their profile, because paying attention to detail shows them that you are genuinely interested. Hopefully this leads to an endless chat, but if not—no worries there are plenty of other exceptional contenders out there for you to stumble across. Both parties need to put in the effort to keep the discussion going. If you feel you are trying too hard, drop it and move on to the next person.

Ask your match questions about themselves to learn more about the things that hold importance in their life. Talk about the things that are meaningful to you. Remember, you want to date someone with values and interests that align well with yours. Expect to not agree on everything, but know your personal deal breakers. Set high standards for yourself, and put in the efforts you wish to receive in return.

Ask for a date

If one individual has caught your attention more than the others, think of some date ideas for the two of you. Try to come up with something for you both to enjoy. Make sure not to pick a venue where you have to be silent the entire time like a movie theater, because you want to converse with your date. Casually present your date ideas to this person, and ask them if they have any other suggestions. If they do reject you, try to brush it off because you always have more options. 

If you agree to meet face-to-face with someone you connected with online, plan the meeting in a public place. Make sure you tell a trusted friend the details—sharing your location with them via your phone is not a bad idea. Create a code word with this friend, and text it to them if you need them to call and come up with an excuse for you to leave the date immediately. 

Never try to impress your date

Own your style and individuality. Never change for anyone but yourself. Nothing takes your happiness away more than pretending to be someone else. The right one will admire all your quirks. Go on every date knowing that not everyone is going to like you, and accept this fact. If it doesn’t go the way you expected, learn from it and move forward. If you really enjoyed yourself, make sure you reach out to your date within the next day to let them know how you feel. Ask them if they want to plan out another outing for the two of you. Again, if they decline try not to take it personal and continue on. 

Everyone finds dating a challenge, so relax

Try to make things fun, instead of stressing over things that you have no control over. Spend more time looking for the people who share common interests with you, and find activities that you will both enjoy. Focus on your strengths, and work on improving the weaker areas. Express yourself, share your goals and dreams with your love interests. Talk about the things you know a lot about, because this is where you will thrive. Never forget your worth, and refuse to accept less than what you deserve.  

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